just some thoughts of mine

I think that it is really sad that by God, we only have one life. That alone makes a person selfish. “I have to maximize my life” or whatever. I’m a really selfish person, it’s been one of my core traits since being born. I hate that about myself. I wish I wanted to do things for other people you know because some people by nature already want to like my Meme, the goat for real im nothing. I think kindness and compassion aren’t very valued; I think it’s hyper glorified at Ole Miss, though. There’s a lot of negativity in the world bro. Like what the actual flipping hell

i been movin calm dont start no trouuuuuuble wit me

I went to my four classes today and they all seem chill and fun and some of them seem hard asfffff.

I had to mention my school at least once

But anywho, yeah I just think it’s kind of sad that we don’t live in a world of friendship and kindness, but rather in one of greed and selfishness. And it just kinda seems like that is what works best for people. It seems like the most successful people or my idea of successful, are not the kindest people.

I’ve been feeling really sick like deep in my stomach. It happens a lot in the morning and I think it’s because I’m stressed or whatever I am. The world is just so depressing bro like there’s so much bad stuff happening, and you’re like “Well there is good stuff sometimes too.” The only thing we know is that we’re going to die and you know actually that sounds like a positive phrase to me. Almost like mind freeing geez louise.

I hate mfs that look at their phone when they walk I hate mfs that say “like” all the time even though I say it too. It’s one of my worst qualities probably. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m pretty selfish. I don’t think about others very often and when I do it’s usually rooted in something that has to do with me. I think that is also probably one of my worst qualities and it also isn’t as funny or funny at all. I care about animals I do stuff for them and I’ll do stuff for my siblings and I don’t think of myself. I guess I’m nice to people like I do stuff for people. I hold the door for people that’s a pretty good quality, probably one of my best. I dont really think about myself when I’m holding the door it’s almost like a habit. Zach said something to me the other day and it was like “dude you were the smartest person in the room since you were 6” and while I appreciated the ego stroke, the sentiment was that that was a bad thing for me. And whether it’s true or not, no way I’ve been in the room with some incredibly smart people (why im trollin😭😭😭😭😭😭😭) But I hate being told no because from my perspective, I’m right. I have the best idea because I’m an evil narcissist. And I kind of think about smart a lot it doesnt really mean anything to anybody except for me. Bro its because my mom showed me my IQ when I was like 10.

short little chess interlude

Like I knew I was smart already I had good grades and I went to chess tournament, got second place to Wyatt Jordan bro what a guy. That dude checkmated me with his rook from his spawn into mine I moved my king into a pocket on the left back part of the board and there was a wall in front of himso he couldn’t escape, I just didn’t see the rook bro. That was fourth grade I’ll never forget that chess board because I lost that loss hurt my soul bro. You know what I don’t remember? I don’t remember how I won the chess tournament the next year. I have no idea. I know I beat Wyatt in the third round and then I think I beat Brad and I beat Cameron Jones second, my dog. That dude is pretty smart he knew keyboard shortcuts in like third grade he made a fidget spinner with like tape and bearings in fourth or fifth. Solid dude that one. But yeah I don’t remember my winning move of the chess tournament but I remember my losing one. I need to share this with someone smarter than me because what does that mean? It means I let the loss sit and take up space and energy because I think it makes me less of a person or ? something like that ? Why am I so fucking negative brooooooo!!!!! What da flip😡😡😡😡😡

So yeah she showed me my IQ and my ego inflated higher than it was and you know I didn’t have the best grades I had a B sometimes and I didn’t have the most friends but maybe this is something I can hold onto where im the Superlative. Is that even what I did though I’m trying to go back into my own subconscious from ten years ago, it’s kind of hard. I don’t know I only gained self awareness like 2.5 years ago I’m way behind. Whatever im so smart than why do i make such stupid decisions like the stupid loser i am😞. But yeah she showed me it, and I started to think I was smarter than adults like teachers and stuff, and my parents and random strangers, and that’s just how I was until like junior year when I stopped being such smug little dickhead. That’s the worst part bro is I would use my smart to make everyone hate me. Trolling I guess???? So after junior year, I tried changing and it’s worked but I just feel like that selfishness and that superiority complex is baked into me. I feel like I’ll never be able to actually get it out of my subconscious.

Im one of one never replicated bc they cant

They tried. Im the only me ever. I wish everyone a good night. Thank you for reading I deadass appreciate it so much bro it means everything to me really to give me your time and attention and its so hard to read things at least for me I have tiktok brain too bad. And my writing is weird and gross and a loser but no for real I love yall its love reading my little words. Really please tell me if you read my thing in real life see how much it means to me. Thanks everyone✌️

Is Under The Sun the greatest song of all time??

THIS IS A LISTEN ALONG YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN AND READ AT YOUR OWN PACE

“I done seen it all oh my God, I swear” – Jermaine Cole

The Sample

The song samples “I’ll be Waiting for You” by The Argo Singers which was released in 1963 and its a pretty nice flip I can’t lie. Shoutout whoever produced it https://youtu.be/5TZCnYZEmuM?t=42. Click that and hear the sample and then go listen to the song and you’ll have a whole new perspective.

That J Cole Verse tho

Okay so. The little breakdown before Cole starts rapping into the bass joining the beat is just amazing. Its almost like I don’t know what to listen to because the beat is so hard but the rapping is so hard too. Like Cole comes on and starts doing dirty gross things to the beat.

“That my lil baby”

I mean this verse is crazy. Cole’s rapping is next level and the verse is barely 30 seconds. He absolutely killed it though and absolutely set the tone for Lute and Dababy.

Kendricks Part

I WOKE UP FOR SOME MOOOOOOONEEEYYYYYY AYYY LIL BITCH TOO MANY OPPS IN HERE TELL ME WHO YOU WITH AYYY

I used to be pissed that Kendrick didn’t have a verse. “How do you get Kendrick Lamar for just a hook🤓?” lookin ahh boi. But he offers a perfect contrast I think. His voice is a little higher than the rest, its familiar and to be fair the hook is amazing.

Lute has the best verse

POTATO OVER MY GUN I MOVE IN SILENCE CUZ N*GGAS BE CLOCKIN MY FUNDS

Like Lute comes in and actually starts going crazy. This song is so crazy bro. The five bar with the squeezing, neeson, reason, treason, see me, rhyme scheme is so sick espeically in the middle of the verse. I feel like this verse is really under appreciated because “What is a Lute?” He’s obviously not as big a name as Cole or Baby but I think its the best verse.

I JUST PUT DIAMONDS ON ALL OF MY TEETH NOW THEY PROBABLY THINK I AINT INTELLIGENT

Okay Baby might have the best start. He even got the extra two lines with no bass. I will say this. Rhyming “Letterman” with “Let-em-in” is crazy like maybe it’s been done before but the way Baby delivers is just different. Than the bass starts and Baby starts going crazy like fr his flow is unmatched. He got the best flow on the song for sure.

Final Thoughts

This is one of the most iconic songs of the 2010s. I mean you have Cole and Kendrick, two mega giants of the rap game at this point, DaBaby who was just starting to really takeoff into the mainstream, and then Lute who is just a guy from Cole’s label. All 3 verses have a case for being the best, they’re all incredible and they each have their own little flair. The Kendrick hook is timeless and I couldn’t imagine another voice. When it comes to rap, it doesn’t get much better than this. People that don’t like this song are racist.

What does having a website mean??

It means I am better than you.

Okay im trolling. It means that I obviously feel a need to get my thoughts out there, or maybe it means i really want people to take the things i say seriously. I feel like i say a lot of smart things but i say them in a manner that maybe they arent taken serious.

What the fuck is this kids deal😭??

Im the kid, what is my deal. I really really care what other people think. I dont know how to not really care. I really struggle a lot with self confidence, like deep down I know I love music more than anyone and I know i love sports and know everything about everything and i think i make people happy sometimes. but at the end of the day when its time to go to sleep i can never sit and think about myself and be happy with the person that i am. I have to think about being with other people or hanging out with my friends to even be able to go to sleep. I think i struggle a lot with loneliness and i think i have for a long time. Ive never really felt right around my peers except one person where i felt like “oh you get it”.

I need to write more things of substance and value

I need to write about music and movies in a way that is interesting to read. i learned a lot in my journalism classes about keeping attention and I kinda ignored because “they read for me” or something like that. but the truth is that some of my best friends dont read my shit and maybe its because they clicked on a post and got bored after 10 seconds. i still have over a year of website time left. hopefully i start writing a lot more because i have too many thoughts i feel like im going crazy. thanks guys give me recs of what to write about, give me a topic to research or a movie to analyze or music or something im so bored id love to do something at least semi productive and maybe make someone happy by doing it thanks everyone.

What the hell is jerk rap and what does it mean

New wave jerk rap can be characterized as having heavy bass, claps, sound effects, and the iconic vox vocal sample that acts as percussion. It’s “new wave” because it has nothing to do with the old “jerk rap”. Songs are usually under two minutes with most songs following the chorus, verse, chorus or intro, one long verse format with repetition, changing tempos, and simple melodies…

patchmade by xaviersobased is a great example of what “jerk” rap sounds like because really it is THE jerk song. It was produced by kashpaint, who is the creator of the sound. He created the first piano melodies that xaviersobased used and blew up from. In patchmade and other songs produced by kashpaint, he uses a specific vox sample from That Girl by Pharell. Other vocal chops are commonly used as well. The first use of the Pharell chop was over four years ago with the song ouu ouu (kashpaint) by Bloody!. He is a part of 1c34 which is Xav’s rap collective and label.

The difference between jerk and the mainstream trap space is that jerk is pushing what we consider rap. One account said that a lot of the music in the jerk scene is closer to dance music than trap. And it’s true. A song like Pure Cocaine by Lil Baby is similar to patchmade. Simple piano melody, use of a clap… lyrically, they are similar in a lot of ways. I challenge you to listen to both songs and try to see the similarities because they sound quite different. You can’t really dance to a song like Pure Cocaine. Let’s say there’s two types of lyrics in rap; drugs, money, girls, guns, and then the personality. What is the difference in Lil Baby or Future’s personality in their music? (disrespectful to Future because he really is a trailblazer, but now…) Future and Lil Baby aren’t different enough to both exist in today’s music climate. The mainstream has rules; certain lines you repeat in different ways because it’s “hard”. The first line of Pure Cocaine is a line about his wrist and the weather. Master P has a song called Ice on my Wrist that came out almost 30 years ago. My most listened to song of 2022 (Lineman by 10kdunkin) has, “My wrist is a glacier, it’s changing the climate.” We can sit here and keep making weather related jewelry lines, or we can stop. Actually, I think it’s fine but there needs to be some creativity. The reason I say that is because MadeinTYO has a line, “Rocky mountain wrist, feel like Colorado” and I think that’s pretty creative. On the other hand, the first line of patchmade is “Walk up in the mall, and I ball, b**** I’m patchmade.” Being “patch-made” is a term that comes from the NBA 2K videogames. Basically, certain players would come out better than others after an in-game update (patch), and the players that didn’t get boosted would say the other players were only good because of the patch, and viola. Nobody in the mainstream is talking about video game basketball.

The clothing is different as well. Trap artists such as Lil Baby or Young Thug might focus on Louis Vuitton, Gucci; Future has the famous line on Thought it was a Drought, “I just f***** your b**** in some Gucci flip flops”. Lil Uzi has a chorus that’s, “AP, Muller, my rollie,” and has a different song called New Patek in reference to luxury watches. The jerk scene is much younger, Gen Z, and cares more about the swag era and being comfortable. Supreme, Bape, graphic tees, baggy sweatpants, jean shorts; on the cover of his album install, which patchmade is on, Xav is wearing a supreme shirt, jorts, and a ushanka, which has become a trendy accessory. But it’s also not a very serious accessory especially in the middle of July. (install release date) Also, Xav has a line in another song where he says, “Asics on my feet, boy you still rockin’ Yeezys.” I have Asics because of that line.

Xav has a line in the song, “I can’t f*** with n***** if they right-wing,” and another song goes, “I can’t f*** with the states, this s*** be classist.” In a time like now, this is all more relevant. I’m not voting for a Republican the next time I vote because of that line. There’s another song that is in the same vein as patchmade, called Ova Here by Sleez. She says, “All about justice, yelling free Congo.” I think this musical space that jerk is a part of, as well as digicore, and plugg and whatever… It’s all a lot more political than anything mainstream. Obviously, it’s not so easy for Lil Baby to make a song where he says I don’t f*** with right wingers. But I think it’s also just a young people thing. We WANT to speak out against the shit that makes us mad. There’s something really special about this generation; we’re the first generation to have the internet our whole lives. And we understand the rules and limitations of the internet more than any generation before us.

The point is that Xaviersobased is the goat, and I had to do this assingment for class

12 Stout Street

I had to write 750 words talking about a song I thought everyone should hear, and there were some other rules that don’t matter as much and I chose 12 Stout Street. If you know, you know, if you don’t, you’re about to find out so.

When it comes to “realness”, there was only one song that popped into my head: 12 Stout Street by RX Papi. In the song, Papi mentions his drug abuse, grief with his mother, robbing, and killing etc… It’s incredibly crushing.

When you look up the word “real” on Urban Dictionary, the top result states, “It is said in the comment sections of tiktoks or in the repost messages of reposts you find on your for you page (fyp) on Tiktok.” This is direct 12 Stout Street influence.

Papi always starts his songs with “Real RX”. Around fall of 2021, the song was used with depressing images on Tiktok to make slideshows. People would comment “real” as a way of saying “I agree”.

At the time, it wasn’t just a song; it was a movement. Saying “real” after someone says something you agree with became common even in my day to day life. It’s not to say that the phrase “That’s real” hasn’t existed before, but the song offered that slang to a whole new generation.

But at the same time, the song is much more than a trend. It’s a story about a boy that was failed by his surroundings. The actual 12 Stout Street refers to a house in Rochester, NY where Papi’s father was murdered when he was four. In one line, he says he wishes the house burned down.

He also brings up his mother a lot in the song. He says that his mom didn’t buy him things and that he had to sell drugs and rob people to get money. His mother kicked him out of her house because he robbed someone and gave her the money. It’s maybe the most emotional part of the song with Papi starting the next six lines with “How the f***”.

Papi’s experiences are the same experiences shared by young black men in poverty since the 1980s. Father was killed when he was four, stepfather in prison, mother always working not having time for him… of course he’ll turn to the streets. He even says, “Before Neo or Jet Li, I was the one / My mom ain’t see it but the streets did”. He is literally telling us that the streets saw a potential that his mom never saw which led him down that path.

The Papi we get in this song is much different than the rapper we get in most songs. Typically with hip hop, the substance of the music revolves around drugs, money, women, etc… It’s not common to hear someone TRULY be honest in their music about something that isn’t material.

The song was produced by Gud. He is a part of the group Sad Boys with Yung Lean, and they are Swedish. Gud also makes music under the name Rooster where he sings as well. Lean is known to be a pioneer of the cloud rap genre.

The reason that any of this is important is because Gud is a legend. Musically, he has produced some of the most recognizable songs in the underground (WHICH DOESN”T EXIST!) hip hop world such as Ginseng Strip 2002. If you haven’t heard it, I highly urge you to. He did Agony by Yung Lean.. that’s probably the actual saddest song I’ve ever heard.

Gud has only produced one album that wasn’t associated with Lean or Sad Boys. That album is Foreign Exchange by RX Papi. 12 Stout Street just so happens to be the first song on the album.

I met up with my friend Fred and told him I was writing a paper on 12 Stout Street.

Real.

He started getting excited about the song, talking about how he remembers the slideshows and how people will comment real on posts today. Literally what I was writing about… It feels good when somebody agrees with me.

In terms of streaming, 12 Stout Street has 3 times as many streams as Papi’s 2-10 most popular songs combined. There’s a playlist on Spotify that is 12 Stout Street 300 times. That adds up to about ten hours worth of time. That playlist has 3000 saves on Spotify… a playlist of the same song 300 times.

Of course it’s a significant song. It’s a quiet significant though. If you weren’t on Tiktok towards the end of 2021 and the beginning of 2022, you don’t know this song, this story. But that is my purpose I guess… To write about the music that is important to me.

im in pol sci 251 rn

This isn’t even a political science class, it’s a math class. And it pisses me off (Draymond Green reference) because it’s like too simple. It just is a class defining terms like different variables. Why does it matter if I can identify between a ratio variable and an ordinal variable?? I feel like, if anything, I should be taught how to read and understand information. I don’t know, maybe I will learn to see the class for what it is. We don’t talk about politics in here. She doesn’t apply the concepts we learn to real world activities. I can’t use my laptop in this class either, but lowkey I be on it anyways because I’ll just walk out and leave. Actually she’s talking about the State of the Union address but we’re not analyzing it or anything. If ten people answered between 1-10 how much they liked the address, how can we measure those values? Mean, median, and mode. I’m doing mean, median, and mode in my pol sci 251 class. She just said it’s easier to find the mode and median when you put the numbers in order. I wonder if everyone else feels the same. She said I have to put my laptop away, bye. I left in the middle of class because I was bored.

now im in jour 271

We have to pick a beat and he’s basically doing a draft and if I get a bad pick I’m gonna be so mad. We talked about the State of the Union for the first 20 minutes. I was the second pick im the goat everything always works out for me. I chose music, obviously. Actually, letssss fuckingggg gooo im so hype i got music. I literally work at the music factory. But I have like 800 words due Monday morning, and another thing due Friday morning. I’m going to have to lock in on my work and not just lay on the floor looking at my phone for three hours. Actually such a mood lifter bro.

now im in span 111

My Spanish class is so lit. It’s two hours, but never feels that long. The teacher is super helpful, I think he might be one of the best teachers I’ve ever had. I actually feel like I’m learning the language at least a little bit.

now im in my bed

I did my Spanish class and went to work and then went home and did nothing and did some reading and i dont really have anything else to say. but i do usually have a lot to say… just not right now. Hopefully I write more, my thoughts are too awesome to live in my head forever. thank you goat nation

Music Right Now

If anybody knows anything about me, it’s that I love music. And I realized that I hadn’t written about anything in a while so I’m just going to write about what music I’ve been listening to.

Last year, I tried to expand my taste a lot. I started deep diving into a lot of artists discography’s like Westside Gunn, JPEGMAFIA, Mach-Hommy, Dean Blunt, and MIKE, but as of late I’ve been listening to a lot of underground rap. So I don’t know this is a ramble piece.

Protect

IF YOU NOT BALLHOG, THEN DIE!!

Top 5

Go Pro
bbysit
Lace Em Up
#FreeTank
Hotspot

Protect is next up. He blew up at the beginning of 2024 when BruceDropEmOff promoted one of his songs and was in a music video, and since he has reached close to 300k monthly listeners on Spotify. So, I started writing this a few days ago, and now he’s at 316k so he gained probably close to 30k monthly listeners in a few days. I started listening to him in December, and I discovered him because of a TikTok I saw… Then I was with my friend Fred and I was like, “You know Protect?” and he was like, “Listen to this bro,” and he played bbysit and I never looked back. I think that what sets him apart from other artists is his flow and he’s always talking about ballhog and whatnot. He does everything Osamason does, better. I don’t know I hope he doesn’t get caught in a bad deal or whatever.

MIKE

MIKE is probably the greatest artist of all time. I’m a sucker for artists that produce their own music, and MIKE produces music under the name dj blackpower.

Top 5

Backseat – Tisakorean **dr.grabba mix**
No Curse Lifted (rivers of love)
Pieces of a Dream
Ipari Park
Burning Desire

I had a really difficult time with the top 5. It’s crazy to me how few people listen to dj blackpower. MIKE has 772k monthly listeners while dj blackpower only has 29k. That’s a 26-1 ratio. Only one out of every 26 MIKE fans, know about dj blackpower; it’s heartbreaking because dj blackpower has some of MIKE’s best work. MIKE isn’t for everyone. He does the talking, drowsy kind of rap that Boldy James does, over sample heavy production… A lot of times he doesn’t even rhyme, he’s just talking. His favorite rapper is Earl Sweatshirt, who helped a lot when he was first starting out. He works a lot with El Cousteau, Niontay, and Wiki.

fakemink

Top 5

Hi, I’m Blessed
Secret
Sniffany
Fake It
Mink

Oh fakemink, where do I begin? This dude is basically the modern day Beatles. He is the leader of a new generation of artists from the UK. When I first started seeing stuff about fakemink, I didn’t check him out because he was British and I felt that he didn’t even deserve a chance. I kind of feel like he’s fading away a little bit, though. None of his music in 2025 is that good but maybe he’s planning something.. I don’t know.

the end

so thats all I have, I haven’t written in a really long time and i want to so hopefully this will lead to me wanting to write more and maybe i can figure out how to make the website look nice and not just make it blue… new post coming soon maybe

DNA BY DANNY BROWN

“It’s in my DNA, cause my pops like to get fucked up the same way”

DNA is a song where Danny Brown blames his drug addiction on his parents, saying that they liked “to get fucked up the same way”.

My mom had me when she was 22. Her mom had died a few months prior to finding out she was pregnant with me, and when she went to the doctor she told them that she quit drinking, smoking cigarettes, and smoking pot, her mom just died, and the love of her life is in Iraq. Then the doctor said that I was going to die in her belly because of my mom’s stress levels. And they said the best thing to do was smoke a joint once a week. I remember when she told me that I was like “Bruh it’s your fault I’m addicted to the cart bruh” which is obviously not true. I could never blame her for that. And I remember thinking like damn… If moms do drugs while pregnant, that baby already has an addiction to that thing. Newborns have been shown to exhibit withdrawal symptoms of alcohol, cocaine or what have you.

One of my favorite lyrics of the song is

“I don’t smoke an eighth a day, I might end up a mental patient.”

I had my stretch of needing to smoke everyday. When that addiction starts itching you, it’s unlike anything. I used to be so upset that I didn’t have friends, but I would have to remove myself from situations where I was around people because I wanted to go smoke. It was more important to get high than to make friends. I remember there was a day where I just wanted to get high so bad and my cart had run out or something and I went to my house and was looking everywhere for one. In cushions, my mom’s desk, and I could not find one. And you really do feel like a mental patient. You feel anxious and stressed about nothing and that is what the addiction is.

I think my favorite part of this song is the production. DNA is supposed to act as the first song of “Side B” of his record and if you listen to XXX front to back, DNA sounds much different from the songs that preceded it. Danny himself said he thought the album cover was like a vinyl and he wanted to keep that vibe. The whole second half of the album is different, really. When you listen to the song, the instruments just hit heavy.

This song is very important in Danny Brown’s discography

Danny Brown is known for glamorizing drug addiction. I mean the song before DNA is called Adderall Admiral. The first verse glamorizes it. He mentions his “Versace pillowcases”, “Terry cloth bathrobe”, “white wine in flute glass”. He lives a lavish life, even saying, “Every night, like a bachelor party in Sin City.” The second verse is one of my favorite ever. He says, “Perceived as a villain, no sentiment in my sentence / For instance, in instants, they’ll be calling forensics.” He’s saying that everybody just sees him as some drug addict rapping about his drug use and they aren’t respecting him or acknowledging the talent that he has. He’s a “villain” in the rap game. Danny Brown is one of the few artists today that actually seem to be pushing themselves. But anyways, Danny is agreeing with them, admitting that he could die from it. The next four bars is, “If incidents occur, remember these ain’t just words / Go from talking shit to organs preserved / You soft-serve rappers just hide behind your reverb / And even without effects, you’ll end up dessert”. The first two lines are still about himself. He wants to be remembered for the meaning behind the words and not just the words alone. These next two lines are pretty amazing. He’s saying that other rappers in the game are scared to talk about their own struggles and are just “hiding” behind voice effects. He then goes onto to tell them that even if they didn’t have effects, they’re “dessert”. They are sweet and soft just like dessert or just like soft-serve ice cream. And this line is right after he says no one respects him for his talent. I see it Danny.

The End

The end.

Drugs are bad and you will get addicted

I’m not even talking about drugs I’m really only talking about weed. That’s all I’ve ever done. But it changes you and that’s what I’m going to talk about I suppose.

Why Do I Even Smoke at All if it’s so Bad and Addicting

So I have a story but I have to start a while ago. For the longest time I had the same friends and we would do the same things all the time but I loved them and I loved what we did. We would pretty much just play Xbox together but we’ve been doing it for damn near a decade. And then I started making some new friends that were a grade above me. We would go to Bdubs almost every week and just hangout. And they were a lot different than my other friends and really similar too, but I enjoyed hanging out with them; it was like a change of pace for the first time in my life. And so I kind of stopped hanging out with my first friends and that’s my fault, but… they smoked weed a lot. And I didn’t really. I did every now and then but I was really careful about it and I didn’t like the smell, and there was no way I was going to smoke and drive. So after my older friends graduated, I started hanging out with my first friends, and I also started smoking a lot more. They did it, and I guess I just hated being such an outsider from them… I don’t really know. But I got my own weed pen. And I was extremely careful with it. I would keep it hidden in my closet behind my Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and I would only hit it late at night when my parents were sleeping, and rarely on school nights. But as time goes on, and you start hitting it a little more, you become complacent. I HATE COMPLACENCY IT IS THE WORST THING TO BE!!! I started breaking the laws I set for myself. I lost my discipline. I would hit it before tennis practice, before working the concession stand… Too much. More than I needed to. But I enjoyed it. “Why not get high real quick?” Then I started hitting it too much. I developed a cough that would hit me almost every day in first period. I woke up and I felt like shit. And I would tell myself, “Alright, no pen today because my tummy hurts,” well… I mean…. that obviously did not work.

Being Addicted to the Cart is Not Ideal

The thing with the cart is that when you first get it, it’s the best it’ll ever be. The more you do it the worse it gets, but the more you do it, the more you want it. It’s a really fucked up scenario to be honest. It tricks you. No wonder they call it the Devil’s Lettuce. But over the summer before college, I didn’t have one. I refused to buy one because they’re so terrible… but my mother had one. Now my mother is not a cart fein; she is in fact, a super lightweight. And me, being evil, would steal it at night. And I would hit and then go put it back. And previously I knew I had a problem with addiction but I really knew it, when one day the cart wasn’t there. And it was all I wanted like what the freak Mom. Anywho, so I realized I needed to quit. Then I got to school and immediately bought a cart. I would hit it before my 9AM and it would wear off by the time I got to class. And then my cart store got raided. To be honest, I’d probably still be doing it if Slackers never closed. So, shoutout the police for making Slackers close.

New, Less Evil Beginnings

So the cart store closed, and I hated it anyways, so I decided I was going to start smoking real weed by myself at school. I found a plug, and bought a pipe and I would smoke weed too often. Every day for like a month straight. And it made me lazy and antisocial. I would eat in my room, or eat outside with my headphones on… I always had my headphones on. It just wasn’t great. Smoking by myself all the time for why?? My excuse was that I wanted to get better at smoking weed, because really I had no idea what I was doing, and I really did want the experience. So I came home for Thanksgiving break, and I was smoking every day. Then, my uprise came. All the time I was smoking in my bathroom was because I didn’t have a roommate, but after break, I did. Where was I going to smoke? So I started smoking in my car, and I would get so stressed out being in my car, like I was definitely going to get caught. Then Christmas break came, and I got another cart which caused me to stop smoking weed so much; I mean I can hit the cart in my bed, I can’t smoke a blunt in my bed. Well, when school started up again, I threw away the cart, and had no weed… so it was pretty easy to get back on track.

me right now

I don’t smoke every day. I don’t even really have the desire to smoke anymore. Obviously, I do sometimes. Now it’s Sunday. And I smoked on Thursday night at like 1 AM even though I had a 9AM (evil of me) and I smoked Friday but I had been drinking and boy oh boy do I love to smoke when I’ve been drinking. The point is that I don’t smoke every day. I could’ve smoked today and I didn’t. And I like to imagine that I’ve beat the addiction. Probably not… it will probably get me again some time. But I’m very comfortable with my bad habits now.

What is the moral of the story

I don’t want this to scare anybody from smoking weed. I just wanted to share my experience and give a caution so maybe somebody doesn’t make the same mistakes I made. There’s a lot of really good parts about drugs too. Just know the situation you’re in. I would tell myself, I’m not addicted, but anyone who says weed isn’t addicting is a weirdo clown that truly needs help. Don’t start smoking for no reason like me… If you are stressed out, cool smoke. If you’ve been drinking and you just want to get lit, cool smoke. Don’t smoke because you are bored in your dorm room. Go make a friend or make a TikTok edit or something. No matter what you do stay safe. If you feel like you have a problem, you probably do, and you should reach out to someone. I mean you could even reach out to me as a former, recovering, and probably future weed addict LMAOOOOO. For real though, throw the cart away, and if you think you might smoke too much, just try and go two days without it, only to prove to yourself that you can. Good luck guys, and happy smoking.

Vapes Ruined Cigarette Culture

Many a time, I have been in the bathroom in high school, and people are vaping in there. Do whatever you want I don’t really care; but there’s something special about these bathroom vape breaks. And that is the community that comes along with vaping…

What?

You walk into the bathroom, vapeless, and you’re stressed out, having a bad day or whatever. And some person that you’ve never talked to is vaping. “Yo I can hit that?” “Of course, bro.” I’ve always been jealous of this kind of community that vapers have amongst themselves. It’s really something. I feel like before vapes, there was a similar community among cigarette smokers. In a way, the convenience of vapes have ruined this culture.

Words From my Mother Who I Love Very Much

I texted my mom and I asked her about this sense of community amongst cigarette smokers when she was in college or just in general. “Smoking was like an invitation to approach and strike up a conversation. You’re both sitting there, you know you’ve got 10 minutes or so, just make small talk. I used to deliberately not carry a lighter so I could ask guys to use theirs. When you have to leave the room, you are putting yourself in the outside. By smoking, you physically remove yourself from the party, the concert, whatever. So when you see another smoker, you know they get it, too. Even if all you talk about is how much you hate smoking, how expensive, it is still a small moment of instant connection.”

They Get it Too

Back in the day before vapes in like 2014, there really was a sense of connection, of bonding among smokers that has been lost today. This is how I see it. Like my mom said, you physically remove yourself from wherever you are… you go away from the rest of the people because you want to smoke a cigarette, and you would find other people who feel the same way that you do. Now, you go to any bar and everyone has their vape with them; there isn’t any need to step out. Vaping ruined cigarette culture, and I don’t really know what I’m talking about but it all makes sense to me. Not that cigarette culture is anything to be proud of, but at least there was a culture. I started this piece being jealous of vape culture but now I look at vape culture as something that killed a real way to make connections or bond with another person. There’s probably real people out there that ended up getting married because they shared a cigarette when they were strangers, or best friends that just happened to meet because they were smoking 10 feet away from each other. Vaping made nicotine addiction easy. And it’s a bigger overarching problem of easiness in this generation that I have a problem with already. We don’t have to try anymore… and it’s led to a generation of complacency, my least favorite thing to be. Complacency is what kills motivation…

Why does this matter at all?

It doesn’t really. I just hate being in the digital age. A vape is just a digital cigarette. I wish I was ten years older. Everything is too easy now. LOL I’m complaining about my life being easy. What a positive guy I am!! Nobody has to try anymore. Everyone uses AI to get through school. I don’t even have to go to class. I miss something that I never even experienced. And that’s not fair to all the people who did experience it because they would probably kill to have it so easy. I’m going to Bible study tomorrow. I’m going to tell everyone to check out my website. If you are from Bible study, thank you for reading. It means everything and nothing less.