I think that it is really sad that by God, we only have one life. That alone makes a person selfish. “I have to maximize my life” or whatever. I’m a really selfish person, it’s been one of my core traits since being born. I hate that about myself. I wish I wanted to do things for other people you know because some people by nature already want to like my Meme, the goat for real im nothing. I think kindness and compassion aren’t very valued; I think it’s hyper glorified at Ole Miss, though. There’s a lot of negativity in the world bro. Like what the actual flipping hell

i been movin calm dont start no trouuuuuuble wit me

I went to my four classes today and they all seem chill and fun and some of them seem hard asfffff.

I had to mention my school at least once

But anywho, yeah I just think it’s kind of sad that we don’t live in a world of friendship and kindness, but rather in one of greed and selfishness. And it just kinda seems like that is what works best for people. It seems like the most successful people or my idea of successful, are not the kindest people.

I’ve been feeling really sick like deep in my stomach. It happens a lot in the morning and I think it’s because I’m stressed or whatever I am. The world is just so depressing bro like there’s so much bad stuff happening, and you’re like “Well there is good stuff sometimes too.” The only thing we know is that we’re going to die and you know actually that sounds like a positive phrase to me. Almost like mind freeing geez louise.

I hate mfs that look at their phone when they walk I hate mfs that say “like” all the time even though I say it too. It’s one of my worst qualities probably. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m pretty selfish. I don’t think about others very often and when I do it’s usually rooted in something that has to do with me. I think that is also probably one of my worst qualities and it also isn’t as funny or funny at all. I care about animals I do stuff for them and I’ll do stuff for my siblings and I don’t think of myself. I guess I’m nice to people like I do stuff for people. I hold the door for people that’s a pretty good quality, probably one of my best. I dont really think about myself when I’m holding the door it’s almost like a habit. Zach said something to me the other day and it was like “dude you were the smartest person in the room since you were 6” and while I appreciated the ego stroke, the sentiment was that that was a bad thing for me. And whether it’s true or not, no way I’ve been in the room with some incredibly smart people (why im trollin😭😭😭😭😭😭😭) But I hate being told no because from my perspective, I’m right. I have the best idea because I’m an evil narcissist. And I kind of think about smart a lot it doesnt really mean anything to anybody except for me. Bro its because my mom showed me my IQ when I was like 10.

short little chess interlude

Like I knew I was smart already I had good grades and I went to chess tournament, got second place to Wyatt Jordan bro what a guy. That dude checkmated me with his rook from his spawn into mine I moved my king into a pocket on the left back part of the board and there was a wall in front of himso he couldn’t escape, I just didn’t see the rook bro. That was fourth grade I’ll never forget that chess board because I lost that loss hurt my soul bro. You know what I don’t remember? I don’t remember how I won the chess tournament the next year. I have no idea. I know I beat Wyatt in the third round and then I think I beat Brad and I beat Cameron Jones second, my dog. That dude is pretty smart he knew keyboard shortcuts in like third grade he made a fidget spinner with like tape and bearings in fourth or fifth. Solid dude that one. But yeah I don’t remember my winning move of the chess tournament but I remember my losing one. I need to share this with someone smarter than me because what does that mean? It means I let the loss sit and take up space and energy because I think it makes me less of a person or ? something like that ? Why am I so fucking negative brooooooo!!!!! What da flip😡😡😡😡😡

So yeah she showed me my IQ and my ego inflated higher than it was and you know I didn’t have the best grades I had a B sometimes and I didn’t have the most friends but maybe this is something I can hold onto where im the Superlative. Is that even what I did though I’m trying to go back into my own subconscious from ten years ago, it’s kind of hard. I don’t know I only gained self awareness like 2.5 years ago I’m way behind. Whatever im so smart than why do i make such stupid decisions like the stupid loser i am😞. But yeah she showed me it, and I started to think I was smarter than adults like teachers and stuff, and my parents and random strangers, and that’s just how I was until like junior year when I stopped being such smug little dickhead. That’s the worst part bro is I would use my smart to make everyone hate me. Trolling I guess???? So after junior year, I tried changing and it’s worked but I just feel like that selfishness and that superiority complex is baked into me. I feel like I’ll never be able to actually get it out of my subconscious.

Im one of one never replicated bc they cant

They tried. Im the only me ever. I wish everyone a good night. Thank you for reading I deadass appreciate it so much bro it means everything to me really to give me your time and attention and its so hard to read things at least for me I have tiktok brain too bad. And my writing is weird and gross and a loser but no for real I love yall its love reading my little words. Really please tell me if you read my thing in real life see how much it means to me. Thanks everyone✌️